Will we get back together? What tarot can and can't tell you

Three situations behind this question

The breakup was said in the heat of the moment

The argument got out of hand and "we're done" came out before either of you thought about it. Now you have both cooled off, you both have regrets, and neither of you will make the first move. What you want to know is whether reaching out now would repair things or start the fight again.

Months of silence, then contact

You have not spoken in half a year. Then they like one of your photos, or send "happy birthday" on the day. Something stirs again, and you cannot tell whether it is old feelings or plain politeness.

On again, off again

You have broken up three times and got back together three times, and it always ends for the same reason. You want to try again, but part of you knows that if nothing changes, round four will end the same way.

Turn "will they come back" into something you can decide

Get-back-together questions tend to come out as "Will they come back?" or "Is there still a chance?" The subject is the other person, or fate. A hopeful card keeps you waiting; a hard card makes you feel worse. Either way, you still don't know what to do tomorrow.

Good ways to ask:

• "If I want to try again, what is one thing I could do this week?"
• "What was the real reason we split last time, and which part of it can I change?"
• "Do I want to get back together because I miss this person, or because I'm afraid of being alone?"

A way that won't help:

• "Will he come back to me?" You can't control it and it has no time frame, so all the reading does is keep you waiting.

A three-card spread reads past, present and advice, which maps neatly onto why you split, where you stand now, and what you can do next.

How the cards that often show up read here

• Judgement: something from the past is being looked at again. It can support a reunion, but only if you are both willing to look back honestly instead of pretending nothing happened.
• Wheel of Fortune: timing is turning. In the present position it often means things are no longer what they were when you split, which is a reason to reassess rather than hope for the old version.
• The Devil: what is holding you may be habit and wounded pride rather than the person. Ask yourself: if they said yes today, would you actually be happy?
• Death: a way of being together has ended. Getting back together would not mean going back; it would mean starting in a new way. If a new way isn't possible, this card is telling you to let go.
• The Star: there is hope, but it is slow. In the advice position it means look after yourself first, then think about reaching out.

An example: you ask "What was the real reason we split last time, and which part of it can I change?" and draw The Devil for the past, Judgement for the present and The Star as advice. One reading: you were caught in a pattern of leaning on each other and wearing each other down, and now you can see it clearly. Getting your own life steady before you decide whether to reach out will give you firmer ground than messaging tonight.

One or two things to do before you reach out

• Write down three concrete reasons you split. Not "we were incompatible", but something visible, like "every time I worked late he went silent for days". Then ask: which of these three has actually changed?
• Give yourself a deadline. For example, "By the end of this month I'll decide whether to get in touch." A deadline stops a single post from steering your feelings for months.

If they have clearly left and what you really want to know is whether to keep waiting, read Will he come back?. If you are still together and wondering whether to end it, read Should I break up?.

Frequently asked questions

Can tarot tell me we'll definitely get back together?

No, and it shouldn't try. Getting back together takes two people, and the cards can only reflect your side and offer a nudge. Their real use is helping you work out what you would do differently if you tried again.

If I draw a card about endings, is there no hope?

Cards like Death or The Tower say the old way can't continue. They don't say this person is impossible. They are telling you that if you get back together, it can't be on the same terms as before.

How soon can I ask again?

Wait until something has actually changed, like you have met up or decided whether to make contact. LifeOs locks and saves each question, so you can come back, note what happened and compare.

Does this apply to any kind of relationship?

Yes. We sometimes write "he" because that is how people search, but everything here applies to a partner of any gender.