Love tarot: where does this relationship actually stand?

Three situations behind most love questions

Still together, but the spark has faded

You have been together two or three years and life is steady, but you realise you stopped volunteering things a while ago. At dinner you are both on your phones. You cannot tell whether this is an ordinary quiet phase or the start of drifting apart.

Just started, and not sure what this is

You have been on a few dates, the conversation flows, and nobody has named it. You want more, but you are afraid that saying so will scare them off. What you are really asking is: should I be the one to say where I stand?

Always the one giving

You remember the anniversaries, you book the trips, you are the first to apologise after every argument. You have started to wonder whether you expect too much, or whether this relationship was never balanced to begin with.

Turning it into a question you can draw on

The most common problem with love questions is cramming the whole relationship, the other person's feelings and the next three years into a single sentence. A three-card spread reads past, present and advice, so it fits best when you ask about something that is already in motion.

Good ways to ask:

• "We've been talking less and less lately. Where is this relationship stuck?"
• "I want to bring up the imbalance I feel. Where should I start?"
• "This relationship is new. How should I move it forward over the next month?"

A way that won't help:

• "Will we get married?" The time frame is too distant, and the subject is two people plus fate. Whatever you draw, it won't land on anything you can do tomorrow.

The good versions share three things: you are the subject, the time frame is close, and the answer can become something you actually do.

How the cards that often show up read here

• The Lovers: this is less about whether there is love and more about choice. Did you really choose this person, or did you get used to them? In the present position it often marks a moment when you need to say where you stand.
• The High Priestess: something has not been said yet, by them or by you. In the advice position it means watch first and don't rush for an answer.
• Temperance: the relationship needs rebalancing, not a ruling on who is right. If you feel it is uneven, adjust one thing at a time.
• The Moon: what you see may not be the full picture, and a lot of the worry is coming from imagination. Check one concrete fact before deciding whether to worry.
• The Tower: something can no longer hold. That does not have to mean a breakup; it may be a way of relating that has to change.

An example: you ask "We've been talking less and less lately. Where is this relationship stuck?" and draw Temperance for the past, The Moon for the present and The High Priestess as advice. One reading: you two used to be good at meeting each other halfway; now you are both guessing what the other is thinking. Instead of guessing more, find a quiet evening and start by listening.

One or two things to do before you decide

• Keep notes for a week. Write down the things you actually talked about this week. No judgement, just a record. At the end of the week you will see more clearly where the problem sits.
• Make a small request instead of settling every score. "Can we have dinner on Friday without our phones?" is much easier to answer than "Do you even love me anymore?", and how they respond tells you something.

If what you really want to know is how they feel, read Does he love me?. If you are already wondering whether to end it, read Should I break up?.

Frequently asked questions

Can love tarot tell me what my partner is thinking?

No card can see inside another person. What it can do is set out the signs you have noticed alongside your own feelings, so you can decide your next move. Rather than asking what they think, ask: "Having seen all this, how do I want to respond?"

Can I keep asking about the same relationship?

Ask about each situation once. LifeOs locks and saves every question, and in a few weeks you can come back and note what actually happened. That shows you the direction of the relationship far better than drawing again and again.

Should I use one card or three?

If you want a direction, like "Should I ask him out this week?", a single yes or no card is enough. If you want to see how something got here and what comes next, use three.

Does this apply to any kind of relationship?

Yes. We sometimes write "he" because that is how people search, but everything here applies to a partner of any gender.