Does he love me? Start with what you can actually see

This page uses "he" because that is how most people search, but it applies to a partner of any gender.

Three situations behind this question

Hot and cold

On good days you talk until midnight; on bad days you get nothing for three days. The swings wear you out, but you can't bring yourself to give up the good days.

Together a long time, and it feels faded

She no longer asks how your day went, and anniversaries have become just another dinner out. You can't tell whether the love has gone or you have both settled into habit, and you can't quite bring yourself to ask.

Something they did left you cold

He went to his game on the day you were sick, or made a remark in front of friends that humiliated you. You tell yourself not to overthink it, and then you think: if he really cared, would he do that?

Turning it into a question you can draw on

The subject of "Does he love me?" is someone else's heart. A reassuring card buys a few calm days until the next cold spell, and then you ask again. A hard card hurts, and you still don't know what to do.

A more useful version brings the question back to what you are seeing and what you want.

Good ways to ask:

• "He keeps saying he's busy. Should I just ask him this week how he feels?"
• "What is the one thing I most need a response to in this relationship?"
• "When he treats me like this, what am I really feeling?"

A way that won't help:

• "Does he still have feelings for me deep down?" You have no way of checking, and a card can't answer for him.

A single card suits this kind of question. You don't need a long analysis; you need the one thing most worth noticing right now.

How the cards that often show up read here

• The High Priestess: you have already picked up on something and aren't ready to admit it. Trust what you see, not what you hope to see.
• The Lovers: this one is about choice. The question is not whether he chooses you, but whether you are willing to say what you need, so he has a real chance to choose.
• The Moon: you don't have enough information and you are filling the gaps with imagination. Go and ask one specific thing, like "You said last week was hectic. Did something happen at work?"
• Strength: speak up, gently and directly. No interrogation, no swallowing it. Just say clearly how you feel.
• The Hermit: he may be going through a low patch of his own, or you may need to step back and look after your own life for a while.

An example: you ask "He keeps saying he's busy. Should I just ask him this week how he feels?" and draw Strength. One reading: yes, raise it this week, but softly. Open with "I've noticed we've barely seen each other lately and I miss you", not "Do you even love me anymore?"

One or two things to do before you push for answers

• Write the signs down as facts. Not "he's gone cold", but "he missed three of my calls this week and said he's working Saturday". Once it is on paper, you'll see that some worries hold up and some are imagination.
• Write down one thing you want. For example, "I'd like at least one evening a week that's just ours." Knowing what you want before you talk gives him something concrete to respond to.

If you are already wondering whether this relationship should continue, read Should I break up?. If you want a wider view of where things stand, read Love tarot.

Frequently asked questions

Can tarot really tell whether he loves me?

No. Nothing can answer for another person's feelings. What tarot can do is help you sort the signs you have noticed and decide your next step. The real answer comes from him, and from how things go between you from here.

What if I draw a card that makes me anxious?

Look at which specific thing it points to. The Moon, for instance, usually says you are short on information. The right move then is not more worry but asking one clear question.

Can I ask every day?

It's better not to. Asking daily gets you a different dose of comfort or anxiety each day. LifeOs locks and saves each question, so ask once per situation, then come back later and note what actually happened.

Does this work for same-sex relationships?

Yes. Everything on this page reads the same way for a partner of any gender.